The Think Tank

As we’ve all been seeing and hearing on the nightly news, the Deepwater Horizon disaster is a shocking calamity.  The original estimates of 5,000 gallons of oil gushing into the sea every day appear to have been greatly underestimated.  According to an article in The NY Times there may be as much as 200,000 gallons of oil freeflowing into the Gulf of Mexico per day,  and with an expected time-line of 90 days before a relief well can be drilled, this could and probably will become the worst environmental disaster this country – and perhaps the world – has ever seen.

Several different solutions have been tried, running the technological gambit: two different attempts at covering the break in the wellhead with large concrete “boxes” have both failed, a smaller pipe was inserted into the well to and staunch the flow which failed as well, and now they are trying something called a junkshot – litterally putting garbage in the pipe and hoping that it will fill the gaps and fissures in the ruptured concrete enough to allow the wellhead to be filled with mud and concrete.

Making matters worse we now have evidence that huge plumes of oil are building underwater instead of rising to the surface, some measuring as large as 10 miles long, three miles wide and 300 feet thick.  These plumes are having an unexpected consequence: the oil is consuming the oxygen in the surrounding water that isn’t contaminated with petroleum, which could very quickly leave large swatches of ocean uninhabitable for local sea life.  Naturally, this will have an even larger impact on the beleaguered seafood trade in Lousiana, not to mention the environmental impact on the whole Gulf Coast region.

For the oil that is reaching the surface and beaches, there is also some interesting and innovative techniques being used to contain and clean up the oil.  One very successful discovery from the infamous Exxon Valdez spill in Alaska’s Prince William Sound was that human hair and bird feathers soak up petroleum better than almost anything else on earth.

To that end salons all over the country are donating hair to the recovery effort, lead by San Francisco’s Matter of Trust, a non-profit organization which is donating more than 400,000 pounds of hair to the clean up effort.  But you can’t just drop all those locks on the oily ocean and let it form one big, nasty matted mess.  You have to hold the hair in something… and that something apparently is pantyhose.

Hanesbrands, Inc. is donating more than 50,000 pairs of pantyhose to the clean-up efforts through various organizations.  As interesting and peculiar as that may be, here is the Tidbit: pantyhose production is drastically down from where is was 20 years ago when the Valdez spilled her toxic cargo in Alaska.  Women by and large do not wear them any more.

So wear – I mean where – were those 50,000 pairs that Hanesbrands is donating going to if most women in the country have given up hosiery?

San Francisco.

Apparently pantyhose is still quite popular in the City by the Bay.  Most of the reputable news sources I have found fail to offer a suggestion for why this may be, but there are of course many jokes and rumors flying around.  All we know for sure is that San Franciscans are going to be going bare-legged for the next little while.