The Think Tank

I often times find myself wondering about some random thing or other, and I find myself searching the internet for an answer to my peculiar questions. Usually these tid bits of knowledge are only useful when trying to impress strangers at cocktail parties, or if you find yourself on Jeopardy. But I have found myself another use… sharing my little tid bits with you. So, without further ado…

Today’s topic is:

• Pubic Service Announcements? September 8, 2009Chris

  I was a young stud of perhaps 21 years and my friends and I acquired a screen saver of all the Playboy centerfolds since the magazine’s creation in 1953 (with Marilyn Monroe as the cover/center fold girl).

  I learned three very interesting pieces of information from this collection:

  1.  If Playboy magazine is the source of your information, women seem to have gotten much prettier in the 70’s.

  I really have no reason to believe that this is actually true as I have seen pictures of any number of very beautiful women from before that period, so I am forced to ultimately conclude that the Playboy editors got choosier as the decades progressed. I can only imagine that this happened because the stigma associated with posing in the nude diminished over time and therefore the eidtors had a larger pool to pull from and could be more selective in their choices.

  Either that or Mike and I are right and the government secretly started putting pretty pills in the water starting around 1973

  2. Until January 1972 Playboy was a breasts and backsides only magazine.

  I’m not sure why, whether it was a change in the law or just greater acceptance from the public mindset, but for nearly twenty years Playboy photographers had to carefully cover the ladies’ nether regions with all manner of scant clothing, towel corners, deep shadows or fig leaves.

  Which leads us to…

  3. The personal grooming habits of women ebb and flow just like other fashion trends.

  The 70’s seem to show no particular favorite. The styles ran the gambit from moderate trimming to untamed thickets, but everyone was sporting something. Th 80’s were mostly wildly untamed until about 88, when things started calming down and the triangle was subtly replaced by the “landing strip” as the preferred style. This stayed in fashion all the way through the end of the 90’s, though things got progressively thinner as the years went by.

  The collection we had at our disposal came to a close late in 2000, so my official evidence ends there. However, we felt obliged to continue the research and our tireless studies found that, ironically, just shortly after we put a Bush in the White House the same disappeared from ladies’ fashion.

  The reason that this has suddenly leapt back to the forefront of my mind is because, apparently, the ‘stache is back.

  I know this because a friend of ours was heading back to India this week where he has a beautiful fiance waiting for him, and as such we felt obliged to throw him a bon voyage / bachelor party. We really only know one way to celebrate such occasions (or perhaps I could say “We only know one way to celebrate”) so naturally we ended the night at a strip club. Now, we aren’t exactly strangers to the strip club scene, but we are far from what you would call regulars either, so I can’t provide the exact date that the transition occurred. But sometime within the last fiscal quarter the shaved looked has given way to what my friend very accurately described as “little Hitler mustaches”. At least 80% of the girls we saw were sporting them. This is in stark contrast to everything I have ever learned about stripper grooming habits. Until know the sum total of hair I had seen on professionally naked ladies couldn’t have been woven into a wig for a grape. Not even a pea! But suddenly everyone is very proud of their little magic carpets and the patrons seemed more than happy to take a ride on them, so I guess everyone is happy.

  What struck me about this whole phenomenon is this: how do these trends manage to migrate so quickly? If we were talking about a stupid dance like the Macarana or the perfect pair of summer shorts, I can totally understand: some designer or other will flood the market with pictures of pretty people doing pretty things in them and blam! Instant fad. But I don’t really see any large scale media campaigns alerting people to the fact that pubic frenzy is sooooooooooooooooo last quarter. Nor have seen the Democrats dancing around the Capitol building flashing their nethers in grand show of pubic service.

  And I can’t really buy the lip service angle either: I’m not really sure how girls do things, but I can safely say that none of my friends and I have ever sat around and discussed the relative merits of how/if/when to shave our balls.

  So how do the girls learn what is popular? Do they get requests? I’ve never seen a comment card at any of the clubs I’ve ever been at. Do they just get bored? Do the clippers get dull after a while? Is global warming the culprit? Perhaps Democratic administrations inspire this departure from hard wood floors? I don’t know.

  I haven’t yet figured out an answer to this question.  None of the ladies that I know well enough to ask have any answers for me, and I haven’t yet resorted to holding up a sign in Pioneer Square, so I am woefully in the dark on this one.

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